everything about this is about you. thats good that you’re doing it for yourself, so ill stop pushing anything. but, if you look at what you did today and put yourself in my shoes, that shit hurts. i was asking if i promised you things would get better, would you be with me. thats all, you gave me that annoyed tone, clicked your tongue at me and gave a little attitude. i asked, can you look in my eyes? you didnt. you know how much that hurts? you cant say you “understand” how i feel, cause you really dont. IM the one thats trying to win you back, im trying to change for us. you dont have to do any chasing around here, cause you know im all yours. its not like you are going out and looking for guys that worries me, but its the fact that YOU wanted to break up, not me. thats why I have fight for us. thats why i have to do the chasing. think about it: if you were in my position, you would be hurting too.. for now, that was the last time you’ll hear from me, for real this time. ive said that it your last time a few times already, but this time i mean it. im not going to stay here, waiting for you to come back. no. i just cant do that to myself anymore. you are doing this for you, im doing this for me. im changing back to who i was before/during we were “thinging”, but can you see that?.. if you read this, consider this as our final good bye. sorry we had to end this way, but its for your own good. if wanted your space, this is your space. just remember: you can do better, you’re every mans dream girl. you have the looks, the brains, and the heart that every one wants. you have humor, you have jokes, you just have everything that would make a “perfect girlfriend”. anyone would be lucky to have you, i just wish i could be that anyone..
“Girls are the ones who always gets hurt..” blah blah blah. Ever thought of how a guy feels? They’re hurting too but they choose to hide it. You know, not every guy is the same and not every guy in the world will treat you wrong. What happened to caring about their feelings?
I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of getting hurt. I’m tired of being a pushover. I’m tired of having people who don’t know me judge me. I’m tired of people. I’m tired of feelings. I’m tired of being tired.
i wouldnt have an exact answer, because to be honest, there isnt a real reason why i do. theres just something about you. your personality, the way you smile, or your humor. something about you catches my attention & draws me near you. but obviously. i have no chance. not good enough, i`m never good enough.
It’s hard for me to tell the difference from being happy or depressed nowadays. I’ve been depressed for so long, I can’t tell if I’m just happy or too used to the feeling to even judge. But I’m just going to keep telling myself everything’s going to be okay, even though I know it’s just another lie.
Squeezing my pillow to my chest right now, just trying to push all these memories and feelings back. I don’t want to think about it or talk about it, i wish i could forget everything. I wish people were different, I wish so much..
I feel my body is giving up on me. My immune system; I just feel sick as fuck. I haven’t been sick in a while, until now… I have had a headache for a few days now, and my entire body has been numb all week… I guess im slowly giving up..
i am starting to ask myself, why? why do i keep trying to get back together when i know you’re just not gonna say no. like, why am i the one having to wait for you? ive always been the one waiting. i promised you things would change starting today, but you still rejected me. i stayed up trying to do things i used to do when we first started talking, cause i wanted to show you that the old me is still here, but needs help showing and getting back out there. idk if you know how much it hurts me from getting rejected, staying up late making videos for you and giving you long paragraphs. i sent like a 6 pages of text to you.. im making a cover to a song for you.. im already planning more of our anniversary dates, without knowing if you’d ever come back.. my self esteem goes down lower and lower every rejection or no i get from you when i try to get us together. i mean, idk if it affects you as much as me, but, im miserable.
i just feel numb all over. i just dont know how to feel anymore. i love you so much, but yet, i feel like you’d be better off without me. whenever you say you love me, i now question whether you really do. as much as it hurts me, not being with you will drive me insane. being together will help us fix our problems, shit, it would fix one of yours. i told you i was gonna help us get better. take this chance. if not, ill just leave you alone. im not gonna push getting back together if you dont wanna do it now. i dont wanna wait 20 something days like last time…
I’m going to be working out, eating wealthy and gonna start running. I’m gonna try to do football since its my last year of highschool next year. People already doubt me joining because I’m small and not buff or bulky like the other players. But it’s fine, I’m going to over come all of their bullshit towards me and work for that goal.
I’ve always wanted to record myself singing, but im always afraid of listening to it, or letting someone else listen to it and the reaction im scared to get back is “dude, you suck” or something like that… eh.
The reason I don’t open up to you all the time is because you always seem to get mad a me. I’m scared to let myself out to you when you never take my side of the story smoothly. You just think I’m unappreciative. When I’m not. I appreciate everything everyone does for me and I try to prove that by my actions towards those certain people. And the thing is, I open up to you more than anyone, so just think about that.
i listen to you no matter what. i may not understand or get your side of your story, but i try my best to. thats the best i could offer to you. and dont assume if im always mad at you. thats what keeping us from getting closer. stop assuming the worst of me and dont think that negative shit.
I can’t say that there’s one day with complete happiness in my life. There just really isn’t. I don’t blame anyone but myself for it. I screw up, I say things I shouldn’t. I make bad choices. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. The list is just basically endless. I don’t really have “bestfriends”. My friends that I have are surely there when I need them, but no one actually comes to me first. Like I can be acting totally different and I’d be surprised if one person said something about it. It just bothers me to see how everyone else can have these bonds with their friends and I have fucking who? No one.
I don’t really know how to cope with things other than to just joke around about stuff. I joke around probably 99% of the time. I should know that everyone is different and some people take what I have to say to heart, but I just can’t help myself. I can’t take anything seriously because no one takes ME seriously. I don’t even take myself seriously. Ugh. I just wish I knew a way out of this mess. Not even a way out but I just wish I knew how to explain how I feel. It seems impossible. Whatever. Nothing will ever change.
you have me. i ask you if anything is wrong all the time but you shut me out. you dont tell me anything unless i keep asking and asking. its hard to be there for someone when they cant even open up to you. i ask you every time when youre with me, if you were okay or anything. never think that youre alone, because im always there. but you just need to open your eyes up and see that im here and that you could always come to me about anything. until then, ill just be here, waiting for that day to come. i hope you feel better, babe. i love you.